Empathy in Action: Navigating Life's Challenges with Dr. Judith Orloff
Join hosts Doro and Tricia for an enlightening conversation with Dr. Judith Orloff as they delve into the transformative power of empathy. Dr. Orloff, a renowned psychiatrist and author of “The Genius of Empathy: Practical Skills to Heal Your Sensitive Self, Your Relationships, and the World,” shares invaluable insights on fostering empathy within ourselves and others.
From teaching children empathy to navigating caregiver responsibilities with self-care, Dr. Orloff offers practical wisdom for everyday life. Discover how empathy can redefine power dynamics, support inclusivity, and transform conflicts into opportunities for connection. Whether you're seeking personal growth or ways to enhance relationships, this episode is packed with actionable strategies and heartfelt wisdom to inspire positive change in your life and community.
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Quotes:
You can develop empathy no matter what age you are now. You could be ten, you could be 93. Whatever you are, you can start now. - Dr. Judith Orloff
I think just beating yourself up a little bit less each day is progress. - Dr. Judith Orloff
I believe empathy is the medicine that the world needs. It’s what can save us. - Dr. Judith Orloff
Show Notes:
DR. JUDITH ORLOFF: Yes. There's a chapter in the book on healthy giving, and you can take a quiz on whether you're a codependent giver or a healthy giver. A codependent giver puts the other person first and sees everything in terms of what you can do for the other person and gets overly involved with the other person. Um, so it's about trying to fix them rather than letting them be a healthy giver doesn't do that. A healthy giver has clear boundaries. Um, they know when they can give. They know when they're not able to give and they don't try. And people please everyone, um, in order to make themselves feel valuable. See? And codependency. You lose yourself in relationships and you're empathic. Codependents are the most empathic people in the world, but it's overly so. It's too much. They need to learn how to set boundaries and be a healthy giver. A healthy giver gives sometimes doesn't give sometimes it's not always giving kind of thing. To be empathic, you have to learn how to take care of yourself and listen to your body. Listen to your energy level. Um, unless it's an absolute emergency, this whole journey of empathy is not wearing yourself out. So you're so tired you can't function. That's not at all what I'm teaching this is dealing with empathy. And developing empathy in yourself is a way of healing yourself. It's a way of opening your heart and being able to see things from a wider perspective, and having compassion and mercy on yourself. We all go through so much. Sometimes you can't see what people go through because they look, quote, good on the outside, but people go through so much you have no idea.
DR. JUDITH ORLOFF: And so it's important. And as a psychiatrist, that's been a great honor of sitting across from one other person, you know, for years listening to what people go through, you know, and it's an honor, but it's, um, you have to, um, value yourself as well as the other person to have a healthy relationship. And you can't just keep giving and be obsessed with somebody else if they're going through an illness. All you think about is them, which is natural, but you have to tone it down a little bit so you can practice self-care and empathy. And I emphasize this over and over again in the book is about you. It starts with you. You know, for you just to give lopsided empathy. And it's all about everybody else. It won't be a balanced kind of healing energy that I'd like you to feel. The healing that I'm talking about is when you close your eyes and you go into your heart and you say, I want to feel empathy for myself right now. Nobody else, just me and I deserve it. And I'm a good person. And I could just sit here quietly and not do anything for anyone, take a break from giving and to be able to replenish oneself. Um, with that loving kindness in the heart is a very beautiful thing to do. No ritual I have is that every night I meditate at my altar and it's usually about 11 at night, um, before I go to sleep.
DR. JUDITH ORLOFF: And I light my candles and I, um, burn the incense and I open the window so I can I can hear the ocean at a distance, and I sit and I breathe, and I reconnect with myself and let the stress go. Whatever has accumulated, whatever you want to just let it go and feel your heart and have empathy for you, what you've been through. And then what happens is I start to feel very good because my heart begins to open and the heart is the most important thing. You'll feel it in your chest, and it will be a warmth that will open like a sun inside your chest. And remove all your anxieties. And having empathy for yourself frees you from the torment of the mind. The monkey mind, as the Buddhists say. Yes, that, um. You can torment you. And so many people do walk around tormented by their mind. And if that's you, that's okay. But just notice that something you would like to shift because that's you deserve more than that. And, you know, I just want to say that the Dalai Lama wrote the foreword to this book, and it was a real honor for me. But he in the foreword, he writes about the value of empathy and compassion and how he feels that that's the most important thing. And I couldn't be more in alignment with that. And you look at our our world full of wars and, um, polarization and so much hatred and so much, uh, lack of emotional intelligence. You know, you see all this and it's a cause for sadness, you know, because it's, uh, you know, so blind and off.
DR. JUDITH ORLOFF: And so we want to create a different kind of world, and you can start with yourself. And that's why this book, The Genius of Empathy, is so important that I wrote it at this time. You never know when a book comes out, because it takes a really long time to write. But at this particular time where so many things are falling apart, you know, and and you must not be, um, deterred, you know, it's very important that you're clear about your values and what's means something to you. You know, if empathy and love and connection means something to you, you have got to put that to the test. Now. You have got to feel the power of that and live your life according to that. And when it's hard to set a boundary, you know, go to the book and open up the page. This is how you do it again, you start over and over. You know, I can't tell you how many times I've begun again, or I just gave up the day before and it was just too. Everything's too much. So I take care of myself, I sleep, I watch movies, whatever I do to bring myself back. And then the next day I wake up and it's a new day. Yes. And so you start again. So I want to give everyone permission. If you feel like giving up one night, give up. And. But the next day, you know, with your eyes open. See what you see.
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