Our Conversation with Anna Goldfarb: Fundamentals of Modern Friendship

Doro dove into the process of nurturing our most valued connections with Anna Goldfarb, the “Friendship Explainer”. She is a journalist, author, and speaker that blends her personal experiences with her curiosity about developing and maintaining friendships.

In this episode, Anna details her journey with the concept of friendship from youth into adulthood, touching on the struggle to be authentic while finding a sense of belonging, and the joy she found in developing and maintaining close relationships. Listen to the full length-episode to dive into the nuances of friendship and ways to enhance your own friendships. 

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4HYt32TRwadLapVRbhj62V?si=oaJXPDX8R4a0gLth3UN-cA 

Find some tidbits of this vulnerable and beautiful conversation of connection below!

What was your motivation to understand and share your experiences and findings of friendship and its nuances?

“I wanted to explore something bigger about friendship. I wanted to understand if the insecurities and discomfort in friendships are unique to me. I wondered “Is this everyone's experience?”

And with the pandemic, we were offered a historical opportunity where everybody was evaluating their friendships at the same time. That has never happened - social distancing was new and it really broke our brains. There was a lot of upheaval, and seeing your friends was a matter of life or death. 

So, I wanted to answer questions like:

“How do we navigate this new world?” 

“How do we stand up for ourselves if we're feeling pressured to say yes to things that we're not ready to say yes to?”

“How do we show friends we love them and are committed to them unconditionally?”

“How can we find meaning with one another and keep a friendship active?”

Two Kinds of Friendships: Memorial versus Active

“Memorial friendship is based on affection with infrequent contact.”

“Active friendship is high, frequent contact, based on hobbies, interests, passions, and things you are interested in.”

“Oftentimes, we can confuse a memorial friendship for an active one. We can expect friends that we haven’t talked to in years to have the same availability and interest as an active friendship, where we talk all the time.”

Being aware of the different kinds of friendship and the different dynamics of both can help us cultivate and nurture our friendships more fully.

Choice Theory in Friendship

Choice theory with Dr. William Glasser notes that we all have five basic genetic needs of survival power, love and belonging, freedom and fun.

Depending on where our friends find themselves in their phases of life, they will respond differently to commitments in friendships. We challenge each of you to understand where your friends currently stand in their seasons of life and recognize that their responses to your friendship are intertwined with meeting basic genetic needs of survival power, love and belonging, freedom and fun. 

Learn more about Anna, her publications, and explanations of kinds of friendships and choice theory at https://open.spotify.com/episode/4HYt32TRwadLapVRbhj62V?si=WqOSbWpwT-uIkSI44lk5Cg