Ep. 146: "How to Have a Kid and a Life" with author Ericka Souter
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Twitter: https://twitter.com/erickasouter?lang=en
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Show Notes
There could be a gene in your body that, if it’s not activated, could affect how maternal you are, whether your biological clock started ticking or whether you find motherhood something that is easier.
The world says it respects and reveres mothers. But, oftentimes, what happens to mothers proves the opposite.
What I found was we may not be arguing about who works harder the stay-at-home mom or the mom who works outside of the home. But what we're arguing over is everything else.
We shouldn't have to feel like we have to hide what's going on with us, with our friends. So when I wanted to talk about the mommy war, I want to talk about all these ways, these little tiny ways we judge each other, make each other feel bad.
Why does someone else's choice have to offend us so much? Why can't we just accept that person doing it differently? It doesn't mean I'm doing it worse or I'm a bad mom. It just means I've made a different choice.
Judging is natural. Judging is human. That's what we all do. But it doesn't have to come from a nasty place. That's how we create our own standards and values for our family.
We have to stop judging with such a negative eye. On the other side of that, we have to stop fearing the judgment. We have to stop worrying so much about what other mothers think of us.
You have to work on your marriage in a different way after kids. Because there's so many more pressures and there's so much more going on.
If your partnership is important to you and your partnership is important to your family, you have to make sure that's nurtured and as nurtured as your children are nurtured.
You want the people who do things for you to feel special and appreciated, and that's what he was trying to show them.
Love is innate. Parenthood is not. We have to learn how to be parents.
A lot of people go into motherhood thinking it will be the ultimate fulfillment, right? It'll be the thing that completes me. It's what I've wanted my entire life. It's the most important thing I can do. It is one of the most important things you can do, but it doesn't have to be the only thing that you do.
It is OK that you want to do something else besides motherhood. It's absolutely OK. You shouldn't be ashamed of that. It doesn't mean you don't love your family. It doesn't mean that they're not the most important thing in your life. It just means you need something for yourself.
I still needed and wanted a resource like this. So I kind of wrote the book that I wish I had had. We so openly talk about how to raise children, how to get them to certain milestones, how to colic and tantrums. And I did read a lot about self care and me time, but I just felt like that wasn't the whole conversation.
Quotes:
There could be a gene in your body that, if it’s not activated, could affect how maternal you are, whether your biological clock started ticking or whether you find motherhood something that is easier.
The world says it respects and reveres mothers. But, oftentimes, what happens to mothers proves the opposite.
What people don’t realize is that if you have a lot of tension and anger and resentment in your relationship, your children know that and sense that. They might be little but you are not hiding anything from them. They are much more perceptive than we give them credit for.
Keywords:
ErickaSouter, MomGene, Women, Mother, Children, Married, Single, Balance, Marriage, Working, Stress, Biology, Familly, MaternityLeave, NewMother, Overwhelmed, SelfCare, Health, Wellness, HealthGig, Pandemic, COVID19, DoroBushKoch