The Essence of Conscious Parenting with Nina Johnston
Join Doro, Tricia, and special guest Nina Johnston, Adjunct Professor at the Simmons School of Social Work and Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker, as they explore the world of conscious parenting, choice, and empathetic guidance. They’ll delve into the intricate art of mindful parenting, offering timeless wisdom for every phase of the incredible journey that is raising kids.
Nina shares her expertise in empowering children through thoughtful decision-making, the significance of unified parenting, and the ultimate message of enjoying and embracing the beautiful adventure of parenthood. Join us for an enriching discussion that promises to leave you with a fresh perspective on nurturing the future generation.
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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nina-perkins-johnston-86956b6/
Quotes:
If you look at the Latin root of the word discipline, the word itself isn't about punishment or something punitive, it's about learning. - Nina Johnston
With a child, I teach them what I want them to do, rather than what I don't want them to do–to find the teachable moment. - Nina Johnston
I keep hearing that zero to three are the most important years. I think it’s all important. We have to come back to being mindful, being present, and making our children’s experiences that we care. - Nina Johnston
Show Notes:
NINA JOHNSTON: Three to five you know, I say these ages, take it loosely. You know, the old walk by one, talk by two, kids are going to develop in their own ways, and families are going to be doing things in their own ways. The stage that I think surprises parents is the stage where there's all of a sudden, out of nowhere, tantrums and anger that the children sort of are frantic and that you might say, okay, sweetie, it's time to go. And the next thing you know, they're on the floor and it's a disaster. What I like to talk to parents about is counterintuitive. One of the things that we've all been always sort of thought or told–and it's reinforced by the person in the grocery store or whomever–that, oh, that child has you wrapped around their little finger. They need discipline. And the reality is, what's happening for the child at that point is every nerve ending is growing, every muscle. And they can't express that. They don't have the words, the language to be able to say, “I can't do this right now. I'm overwhelmed.” So they fall apart. They can do things like throw things.
NINA JOHNSTON: They can do things like say, “I hate you” or whatever, that horrible sort of heart-wrenching moment is for us as the adults in their lives. So I'm going to sort of add to this time in versus time out. When time out was brought to the surface and became popular, one of the things that we were thinking of was that that was a time for a child to go and calm down, relax and regroup. In many ways, it sort of turned into “go stand in the corner” or you'll hear in a grocery store, “When we get home, you're going into time out.” The intent of an opportunity to the things that you all are so expert in, in a chance to sort of regroup and recenter and catch your breath, to move forward, we're losing because what in fact, what we're doing is sending the child away and saying, what's going on right now is awful. You need to leave. And so we're physically saying, go sit on the step, go sit in your room, whatever that may be. I can guarantee you, when they're sitting on the step or in their room, they are not thinking about, “Oh, I wonder how I might have handled that differently.” So we're not really helping them learn the skills. When I say time in, I say stay with them. Sit quietly and say, “You know what, babe? When your body calms down, I'm going to be right here and I'm going to help you.”
NINA JOHNSTON: So when a child is flailing, I don't want a parent or grandparent physically near the child for fear of getting hurt or something thrown at them, because we're human and we'll have a reaction. And it's probably not a good one. So to be able to sit near them and say, “I'm right here when you're ready,” the temptation is to keep talking to them. So what we're doing is we're really just activating the energy. So really it's just sit quietly. When they get near you, and I can still remember this, even though my children are grown and they snuggle, and then they get near you and they hug you, and you feel them melt into you, then, you know, but when they're near you and if they're allowing you, do some deep breathing, help them. If they're in your lap and you're doing deep breathing, they're going to experience that and feel it. So we'll be modeling some of that behavior. When they've calmed down, then we say, “Okay, you know what? I said let's clean up. And that was really hard for you. So let's do it together. So I see a lot of Legos. If I get the red Legos and you get the green Legos, I bet we can do a quick job.” And then what we've done is we've started to help them understand where a solution can come from, how to solve the problem. So it's an opportunity to teach and model and provide them with solutions versus an experience of that's it, you're out of here and then we walk away.
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