Ep. 80: Taking Control of Your Negative Voices with Casey Seidenberg- Writer, Founder, and Executive Life Coach
Casey Seidenberg is the co-founder of Nourish Schools, a D.C.-based nutrition education company, and author of “The Super Food Cards,” a collection of healthful recipes and advice. She is also an Executive Life Coach at the Handel Group, a renowned life coaching company seeking to improve personal and professional lives. The Handel Group is also offering a special promotion for listeners of Health Gig for their online coaching course, Inner.U LIFE, the course that gives you the tools to get yourself unstuck, wildly happy, and thriving where it matters most to you.
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More on Casey Seidenberg
Website: https://linktr.ee/caseyseidenberg
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/caseyseidenberg
Twitter: https://twitter.com/nourishschools
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/handelgroup
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/caseyseidenberg/?hl=en
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/caseyseidenberg
Books Mentioned: The Super Food Cards
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Show Notes
[1:03] Nobody ever gave us a manual for being a human, for how to live a dream life, for how to get through difficult things and have difficult conversations. There's a manual for almost everything else, but not this.
[1:34] The first thing that we like to tell people is to really decide what matters and articulate it. Write it down. And this is not a to do list. It's not everything that I want to accomplish by the time this coded episode is over. It's not a to do list. It's really more of a bigger picture.
[4:07] But even during normal times, we don't have full control. But what we do have is we have control over how we respond to everything that happens to us.
[4:23] Nobody should be trying to be perfect right now. We are human. And this is tough.
[4:46] If that's an articulated dream of mine, sort of a big picture, then I'm going to make certain choices every day that will lead me more in that direction than it will lead me towards a reactive, frustrated path.
[5:06] These dreams or these goals or these intentions that we make, they really just help us keep coming back to what's important when things don't go the way we want them to. We don't have full control.
[5:44] And those voices in our head, I really believe, are what hold us back more than anything else.
[5:58] It turns out that a whopping 80 percent of our thoughts are negative, and 95 percent of them are the exact same thoughts that we had the day before.
[6:21] those negative thoughts don't do anything for us. They don't help us. They don't get us any closer to the dreams. They don't make us happy. And so I think what's really important is to recognize that we are in charge of what we say in our mind and what those voices are saying, it's not always the truth.
[6:54] We give them names because if you can name a voice when you hear it, it's easier for you to recognize it, to catch it, to even step back from it and realize, OK, wait, that is that voice talking, that's not necessarily the truth.
[7:19] The first one I'm just going to say sends us into fear. Second one tells us that we have no control. And the third instructs us to scrap all of our good habits.
[8:58] Yes, I might have had a stressful day, but it doesn't mean that I should just throw it out of the wind because I would like to have a good day tomorrow.
[11:19] Because the only true way to separate yourself from these voices is to be able to say to that fear, wait, that fear will stop me from reaching this dream.
[11:46] And so if you haven't articulated what matters to you in the world, you're more on a winding path instead of able to continue to keep yourself going straight towards your dreams
[12:16] So if you can separate from them enough to call it what it is, that helps you a little bit.
[12:42] And then one of the other really powerful, I think it's our most powerful way to controlling them, is to create promises for yourself.
[12:59] I think as humans, what's really fascinating is that we are way better at keeping promises to other people than to ourselves.
[13:25] What we do is if we don't keep our promise to ourselves that we feel really guilty about it, that kind of gets us off the hook. But what it does is it really damages our relationship with ourselves. The more we don't keep promises to ourselves, the more we don't trust ourselves and the more we damage that relationship we have with ourselves.
[13:51] And we really believe that keeping promises to yourself is kind of the secret sauce to happiness.
[14:23] But just articulating what you care about to somebody else and promises that you're making makes you more likely to keep those.
[16:07] We get to choose which direction or life goes.
[17:45] Part of our goal is to find the silver linings and the good and all of this.
[19:38] And I think as women especially, we often just think we're supposed to be able to fit it in and do it all. So asking for help and recognizing the need to help is important.
[21:11] We really believe that everything needs to go into your calendar, including showering, eating, time with your family, your work requirements when you're gonna play with your kids, because all of it actually takes time. And if you don't plan for it, it's just not all of it's going to happen. And what usually ends up going are the small, little personal things, either the self care or the time with your kids. You know, many of us will prioritize the 'I have to to work' thing over the rest of it. But if self care is important to you, or playing with your nine year old is important to you, then it better be in your calendar because it's going to happen.
[22:11] It's interesting to watch where even though we're in a pandemic, there are still seven days in the week and there are still two of those days that are weekends. Yet so many people are treating all seven days exactly the same. And it leaves them very much feeling like they're on this treadmill to absolutely nowhere burnt out.
[25:29] There still are ways to design even when the situations are very stressful.
Thank you for joining us on Health Gig. We loved having you with us. We hope you'll tune in again next week. In the meantime, be sure to like and subscribe to this podcast, and follow us on healthgigpod.com.
“The more we don't keep promises to ourselves, the more we don't trust ourselves, the more we damage that relationship we have with ourselves. And at the Handel Group, we call that ‘Personal Integrity’.” - Casey Seidenberg
“We don't get to control everything, but we get to reset and redirect and decide how we're gonna respond and also make choices that really drive in one direction versus another.” - Casey Seidenberg
“If you're not being honest about what kind of help you need, you're not going to get it” - Casey Seidenberg
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