Ep. 79: Being A Conscious Leader with Jim Dethmer- Coach, Speaker, Author, and Partner of the Conscious Leadership Group

Jim Dethmer is the founding partner of the Conscious Leadership Group, where he works with companies and organizations to spread conscious leadership among teams in the workplace, and has personally worked with over 150 teams and CEOs. For Jim, being a conscious leader is all about responsibility and self-awareness. He has also co-authored the books “High Performing Investment Teams: How to Achieve Best Practices of Top Firms” and “15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership”. Jim leads monthly leadership forums in Chicago and New York, and has spoken at Conscious Capitalism, Wisdom 2.0, Mindful Leadership Summit, Northwestern University Kellogg School of Management, and USC School of Medicine Greenville. Some of Jim’s advice on dealing with fear during this time: “The first tip I give people is breathe. And then the second tip I give people is if they don't have a simple mindfulness practice, start one.”

FOLLOW HEALTH GIG:

Learn more about BB&R and Achieving Optimal Health Conference by visiting BBRconsulting.us

Show Notes

[0:56] So the definition we use is leaders take radical responsibility for the influence they're having in the world. They are people of influence. And what makes them unique is they're taking responsibility for the influence they're having. So I say that to say, if you're a parent, you're a leader.If you're leading in a spiritual community, if you're leading in your school, it doesn't have to be in an organization, corporation, nonprofit, anything like that.
[1:36] Some leaders tend to want to blame and criticize, but conscious leaders take responsibility.
[2:17] They know how to come back into presence and lead in a non reactive way.
[2:32] An unconscious leader is somebody who first and foremost isn't very self-aware.
[3:35] Conscious leaders are much more interested in learning, in growing and expanding than they are in proving they're right.
[3:48] Unconscious leaders are not interested in learning. They're still defending their ego.
[4:21] Conscious leaders, conscious people, know how to be with their emotional state in a way that is friendly to them, so emotions are a real gift if we know how to be with them, and friendly to other people.
[5:07] What the world needs now, amongst many other things, are leaders who know how to be with those collective and individual emotions in a way that is healing and not destructive.
[5:28] We're in the world with people who are scared. That's just a given, right? People are scared now. People manifest their fear all different ways. I like that there's fight, flight, freeze and faint. Those are for ways to be scared.
[6:06] What do conscious leaders do? The first thing they do, in my judgment, is they say to people, "Of course, you're scared." They validate the natural human response of being scared. Unconscious leaders tell people there's nothing to be scared of. We got this. We got it under control. Conscious leaders say, "Of course, you're scared."
[6:54] But conscious leaders don't stop there. They not only say it's OK for you to be scared. They're vulnerable, they say, "You know, the truth is, I'm scared too.”
[7:08] I think one of the things this virus is inviting us to face is our relationship to death. I think it's really important.
[7:42] All that's happened is in the limitless number of things that could be the cause of our certain death, now we have this virus. Nothing has changed.
[8:04] That's why death is such a confounding thing. It's certain it will happen, but it's uncertain when.
[8:11] So I say to the countless people that I'm in relationship,"Of course you're scared, but we don't get paralyzed by fear. We learn how to feel our fear and let it pass through our bodies." And then, like fear, like all the emotions, it's here to give us wisdom.
[9:24] Are you above the line or below the line? So the first key is in this moment are you self-aware enough to locate yourself? If I ask myself the question, "Where am I?" The answer is going to be I'm either below the line was simply means I'm in a threatened state. I believe that my survival, approval, or desire for control are being threatened. So I'm in a fear based reactivity.
[10:21] When we're above the line, we're in a state of trust. We're present and we're trusting, now, this is a big conversation, we're trusting that life, the universe, whatever you want to call it, is happening for us.
[10:54] The simple truth of the matter is most of us are in a reactive, threatened state most of the time. That's not a bad thing. It's just the function of the reptilian brain. I'm scanning the world looking for threats.
[11:16] So the first key to becoming conscious is take a breath, interrupt the automaticity of your mind, just interrupt the pattern, and ask "Where am I?"
[11:34] The goal is not to be in some state of enlightened perfection.
[12:05] The second question of a conscious person is, “Can I accept myself for being just where I am?”
[12:32] The antidote to fear is acceptance.
[14:06] When the child is met in their fear with acceptance, they start to calm down.
[14:35] And then when we're both coming into loving kindness or acceptance, then I can say, "Let's take a flashlight and go see if we can find the boogieman."
[15:02] If you took all the work we do in the world, it just boils down to two things: awareness and acceptance. How self-aware can you become and how accepting can you become?
[15:34] So consciousness is seeing open eyed and feeling open hearted.
[17:24]. Villains blame. They know that something is wrong, something is screwed up, and their job is to figure out who to blame.
[18:45] And one of the roles of most of our modern media is figuring out who to blame. And we all do it.
[19:20] The reason we go to villain is, it gives us a sense of control. We feel so darn out of control right now, don't we? And one of the ways to feel like we're in control, like we get our power back, is if we can figure out who to blame.
[20:04] You're going to do something to give yourself relief rather than face, feel and deal with the deeper issues.
[20:41] If health care givers give care from above the line, they know how to give their loving presence. They know how to do their job. But they also know the incredible value of saying that's enough. I'm gonna go take a nap. I'm gonna take a walk. I'm going to eat some healthy food. I'm gonna go home and get a good night's sleep. And they don't guilt themselves for that. Instead, they do it from presence.
[21:55] Because when I'm triggered and reactive, I go into a fear based breathing pattern. So my breath is shorter. I breathe in my chest and it's faster. So one of the things I say to people all the time is to breathe consciously.
[23:27] Cortisol, norepinephrine, adrenaline. Those are the chemicals designed to help me to survive. But they're not very good for being present.
[24:21] Blaise Pascal said that almost all the problems that humanity has come from people's inability to sit quietly in a room by themselves.
[24:42] So the first tip I give people is breathe. And then the second tip I give people is if they don't have a simple mindfulness practice, start one.
[25:23] A couple of times a day, just ask yourself, "Where am I? And can I accept myself for being just where I am?"
[26:07] When a company calls us, we say, "We won't come in and work with you unless your CEO works with us in individual coaching for three to six months." Because we don't want to go into a company unless the leader is practicing.
[26:40] We have what we call the drama tax. Most companies, teams, organizations, universities have tons of drama, and drama is incredibly costly. It costs in terms of physical wellness. It costs in terms of high turnover rates. It costs in terms of poor decision making. So when a team begins to practice, this drama decreases. Now, what that looks like is there's less blame and criticism and fault finding. There's more taking of responsibility. There's less fighting to prove you're right.
[27:28] So much time gets wasted in organizations because people make sloppy agreements and then they don't keep them.
[28:05] When we work with teams, all of a sudden they're spending a ton more time appreciating than they are criticizing.
[28:23] It becomes a place where crucial, critical, powerful conversations are being had. But in the context of a blame free, dramaless environment. So better decisions get made and speed to decision making is much higher.
[29:48] We're all here to support people living the best version of themselves they can live. Being the most healthy, vital, alive, awake people they can be.

Thank you for joining us on Health Gig. We loved having you with us. We hope you'll tune in again next week. In the meantime, be sure to like and subscribe to this podcast, and follow us on healthgigpod.com.

“Some leaders tend to want to blame and criticize, but conscious leaders take responsibility.” - Jim Dethmer
“The antidote to fear is acceptance.” - Jim Dethmer
“A couple of times a day, just ask yourself, ‘Where am I? And can I accept myself for being just where I am?’” - Jim Dethmer

Keywords

#JimDethmer #ConsciousLeadershipGroup #ConsciousLeadership #ConsciousLeader #Leadership #Leader #Breathing #Breath #Responsibility #SelfAwareness #Acceptance #Fear #Teamwork #Health #Wellness #HealthGig #Pandemic #COVID19 #TriciaReillyKoch #DoroBushKoch #MentalHealth #Coaching #Victim #Villain #Hero #Appreciation #Family #Environment #WorkPlace

Ep. 79: Being A Conscious Leader with Jim Dethmer- Coach, Speaker, Author, and Partner of the Conscious Leadership Group

FOLLOW HEALTH GIG:

Show Notes

[1:36] Some leaders tend to want to blame and criticize, but conscious leaders take responsibility.

[2:17] They know how to come back into presence and lead in a non reactive way.

[2:32] An unconscious leader is somebody who first and foremost isn't very self-aware.

[3:35] Conscious leaders are much more interested in learning, in growing and expanding than they are in proving they're right.

[3:48] Unconscious leaders are not interested in learning. They're still defending their ego.

[4:21] Conscious leaders, conscious people, know how to be with their emotional state in a way that is friendly to them, so emotions are a real gift if we know how to be with them, and friendly to other people.

[5:07] What the world needs now, amongst many other things, are leaders who know how to be with those collective and individual emotions in a way that is healing and not destructive.

[5:28] We're in the world with people who are scared. That's just a given, right? People are scared now. People manifest their fear all different ways. I like that there's fight, flight, freeze and faint. Those are for ways to be scared.

[6:54] But conscious leaders don't stop there. They not only say it's OK for you to be scared. They're vulnerable, they say, "You know, the truth is, I'm scared too.”

[7:08] I think one of the things this virus is inviting us to face is our relationship to death. I think it's really important.

[7:42] All that's happened is in the limitless number of things that could be the cause of our certain death, now we have this virus. Nothing has changed.

[8:04] That's why death is such a confounding thing. It's certain it will happen, but it's uncertain when.

[8:11] So I say to the countless people that I'm in relationship,"Of course you're scared, but we don't get paralyzed by fear. We learn how to feel our fear and let it pass through our bodies." And then, like fear, like all the emotions, it's here to give us wisdom.

[10:21] When we're above the line, we're in a state of trust. We're present and we're trusting, now, this is a big conversation, we're trusting that life, the universe, whatever you want to call it, is happening for us.

[10:54] The simple truth of the matter is most of us are in a reactive, threatened state most of the time. That's not a bad thing. It's just the function of the reptilian brain. I'm scanning the world looking for threats.

[11:16] So the first key to becoming conscious is take a breath, interrupt the automaticity of your mind, just interrupt the pattern, and ask "Where am I?"

[11:34] The goal is not to be in some state of enlightened perfection.

[12:05] The second question of a conscious person is, “Can I accept myself for being just where I am?”

[12:32] The antidote to fear is acceptance.

[14:06] When the child is met in their fear with acceptance, they start to calm down.

[14:35] And then when we're both coming into loving kindness or acceptance, then I can say, "Let's take a flashlight and go see if we can find the boogieman."

[15:02] If you took all the work we do in the world, it just boils down to two things: awareness and acceptance. How self-aware can you become and how accepting can you become?

[15:34] So consciousness is seeing open eyed and feeling open hearted.

[17:24]. Villains blame. They know that something is wrong, something is screwed up, and their job is to figure out who to blame.

[18:45] And one of the roles of most of our modern media is figuring out who to blame. And we all do it.

[19:20] The reason we go to villain is, it gives us a sense of control. We feel so darn out of control right now, don't we? And one of the ways to feel like we're in control, like we get our power back, is if we can figure out who to blame.

[20:04] You're going to do something to give yourself relief rather than face, feel and deal with the deeper issues.

[21:55] Because when I'm triggered and reactive, I go into a fear based breathing pattern. So my breath is shorter. I breathe in my chest and it's faster. So one of the things I say to people all the time is to breathe consciously.

[23:27] Cortisol, norepinephrine, adrenaline. Those are the chemicals designed to help me to survive. But they're not very good for being present.

[24:21] Blaise Pascal said that almost all the problems that humanity has come from people's inability to sit quietly in a room by themselves.

[24:42] So the first tip I give people is breathe. And then the second tip I give people is if they don't have a simple mindfulness practice, start one.

[25:23] A couple of times a day, just ask yourself, "Where am I? And can I accept myself for being just where I am?"

[26:07] When a company calls us, we say, "We won't come in and work with you unless your CEO works with us in individual coaching for three to six months." Because we don't want to go into a company unless the leader is practicing.

[27:28] So much time gets wasted in organizations because people make sloppy agreements and then they don't keep them.

[28:05] When we work with teams, all of a sudden they're spending a ton more time appreciating than they are criticizing.

[28:23] It becomes a place where crucial, critical, powerful conversations are being had. But in the context of a blame free, dramaless environment. So better decisions get made and speed to decision making is much higher.

[29:48] We're all here to support people living the best version of themselves they can live. Being the most healthy, vital, alive, awake people they can be.