Ep. 134: Title: Exploring Life's Joys Through Relationships with Kelly Corrigan, Author and Television Host
We are so pleased to have Kelly Corrigan join us on Health Gig, the author of 4 best-selling books (including her most recent book, Tell Me More), which have earned her the nicknames "the poet laureate of the ordinary" and "the voice of a generation." In this conversation, Kelly is curious, funny, and eager to go well past the superficial. In addition to her writing, Corrigan is the host of the television program Tell Me More With Kelly Corrigan and the host of the podcast Kelly Corrigan Wonders.
More on Kelly Corrigan:
Website: https://www.kellycorrigan.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/corrigankelly?lang=en
Medium: https://kelly.medium.com/
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Show Notes
[02:46] So "Tell Me More" is a book of essays about 12 phrases that you're working on or that you're saying more, and some of the things are hard to say, and some of the things are easier. But there are things that you found that life requires. And what everyone loves about your books is that you write things that we all wrestle with in a very relatable way.
[03:58] When you say I was wrong, what you're saying, I think, is we actually do agree on how the world should be and how people should behave. And I stepped out of that for a second, but now I'm back in it. Our worldview is aligned. That was wrong. I will not do that again. That's like if you want to be an adult in the world in real long-term relationships, you have got to be able to say I was wrong.
[04:51] Like, if meaningful connections to others is the number one driver of human happiness across time and culture, then how do you get meaningful connections and how do you sustain it?
[06:29] And she said poverty in America is so ruthless because you become anonymous, you become a drag on society. Poverty, where she grew up, you still had family, people still knew your name. You still ate every day. You still had disposable time.
[06:57] What she was getting at was what you just said, which is that relationships are the distinguishing feature of a good life in a bad life, not money and not power, relationships first.
[11:06] How do we wrap our arms around life's mysteries?
[11:11]One of the most important sentences that have ever been said to me in my life is "life is a mystery to be lived."
[12:05] Our nature as evolved animals is to kind of pattern-match and lock things down, fight or flight, friend or foe, like that’s the way you stay alive. And then as these incredible beings that we are now, I don't know that we've shaken that desire to categorize everything and sit in the mystery.
[12:39] And I think humility is like a magic point of view.
[12:57] Don't be so sure that you know everything there is to know about the person in front of you.
[13:26] You know like there's things that we don't know and we're bumping up against each other and passing judgment.
[13:58] Everyone has positions where they're a little more on one side of the aisle than the other. But we don't let people talk about that. We don't, like, absorb the mystery of each of us. And we're not open to all the contradictions like we're just people.
[15:57] I think she was like a really honest intellectual like she could disagree with herself. And then she was just a really nice mother.
[17:37] I don't think there were many people in her life who she was allowed to be dying with like most people wanted her to be fighting and to be searching for more trials and like, don't give up.
[18:19] But the thing that I included in the book, the word or the sentence that you have to be able to say to be an adult, is onward. And for a while, that sentence was, oh, well.
[18:51] Are you going to stay emotionally available in the world or are you just going to, like, wither? And that's the question.
[19:29] But that is a moment that is coming where the road diverges. And you have to say, I'm going to love people again.
[22:29] And honest to God, like if anyone in your life ever yells at you like that, don't take it. Never let any teacher, any coach, any boyfriend talk to you like that.
[22:56]And I loved your sort of conclusion about saying I was wrong. But when you said, you know, it's so important to say that you're wrong, but it doesn't mean you're bad when you say you're wrong.
[23:37] I think that is really destructive. And so when you're, you know, accidentally talking or unconsciously suggesting that your kid's a liar versus they told a lie, that's a really big distinction.
[24:40] All the good moods pass, all the bad moods pass, all the good days pass, all the bad days pass. All that is new becomes old like there's just no stopping it.
[25:38] And I loved when he said, trying again is all we can do. It's our greatest enabling power. [27:46] So then my dad just holds out his wine glass and says, I'm an old man, and this is a lifetime high.
[28:37] You look at the Fortune 500, you look at the income, you look at other success metrics, happiness metrics like it does not track. “The people who go to the top 20 schools end up in the top 20 slots.” They don't, that's not the way it is, and nobody believes it.
[29:11] We have made no progress in debunking the lie.
[29:19] Guess what? I worked in non-profits for 10 years, and then I was a mommy, and when I was 40 years old with a book on the bestseller list. So, like, you don't know what's around the next corner. Don't let anybody tell you that you missed your chance.
[30:12] I just want to say, like we should question the norm here because I believe that you can get wherever you want to go from where you are right now.
[31:20] The game you're playing is to be happy. You are not playing the "impress your neighbor game." And if you are, you better switch games as fast as you can. You got to get out of that game. You can't win. And it's a stupid game.
Thank you for joining us on Health Gig. We loved having you with us. We hope you'll tune in again next week. In the meantime, be sure to like and subscribe to this podcast, and follow us on healthgigpod.com
Quotes:
"The game you're playing is to be happy. You are not playing ‘impress your neighbor game.’ And if you are, you better switch games as fast as you can. You got to get out of that game. You can't win. And it's a stupid game. " - Kelly Corrigan
"One of the most important sentences that has ever been said to me in my life is ‘life is a mystery to be lived.’" - Kelly Corrigan
"Guess what? I worked in non-profits for 10 years, and then I was a mommy, and then I was 40 years old with a book on the bestseller list. So, like, you don't know what's around the next corner. Don't let anybody tell you that you missed your chance. " - Kelly Corrigan
Keywords
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